On Becoming a Geek Girl

Well, it was my first professional audition in five years.  I almost vomitted on the bus ride to the theatre, envisioning tripping over my feet and landing directly on my face during my two minute movement piece.  After timidly walking onstage, I decided to dance barefoot.  The director asked if I was ready and all I did was give my customary thumbs up over the head, the music began...loudly.

I stopped shaking and just danced.  Every pocket of fear and intimidation went to hell and I danced.  And I ceased to feel too old, too unattractive, too short, too untrained.  It was me, the director, and Lloyd Cole's "Past Imperfect."  After my last series of leaps, I realized I had survived.  I also realized I hadn't sucked.  I felt calm, thinking I made it through my first attempt and I would go on to audition elsewhere with more confidence.  Then he said, "I'm calling you back.  Can you be here Saturday?"  And I almost vomitted from shock. 

This morning I got to read, do comedic voices, and talk about Indiana effin' Jones.  All while we drank coffee and ate donuts.  Can I say that a burlesque troupe that eats donuts is certainly one I can get on board with?  And the other "Geeks" that joined us were friendly and beautiful.  After an amazing two hours I heard the glorious words, "You are cast.  Congrats on your first Chicago gig."  And I skipped out of the theatre like an eleven year old girl and called my mother.   I still have an obnoxious grin on my face.

I was so painfully quiet and shy up until I graduated high school, it sometimes seems strange that performance is what I would chose to do with my life.  And after telling myself for many years that I was content to do it in my "spare time,"  I feel so amazingly fortunate to know now that it is no longer a hobby.  I may not have a day job yet, but I'm in a $&^)! show y'all.